


Just Breathe

by lyrium_tattoo



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:56:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3758707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyrium_tattoo/pseuds/lyrium_tattoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The moments following Fenris' departure from Hawke's Estate after their first time together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Breathe

“I’m sorry…”

Hawke remained propped up on one elbow with their jaw slack, staring at the door Fenris had closed behind him. The fire in the hearth still burned, popping and licking at the logs within, yet its warmth seemed gone from the room. They started to call out and then stopped, biting back the words before they formed. Absently Hawke rubbed a hand up over their face and gave a frustrated tug at the hair above their forehead.

_What just happened? Did I do something wrong? Should I have done something, said something differently? Did I fail him?_

Shock prevented any initial reaction. Disbelief kept them pinned in place. Their night together had been no sudden occurrence. They’d been building up to it for what felt like, no, **had** been years. It was clear from the beginning that if there was to be a relationship between them, Fenris would set the pace. Hawke knew Fenris and his history, knew his fears and triggers- or so they’d thought. And Fenris had definitely taken the lead in the hallway, so where did I go wrong?

Brow furrowing with resolve, they started to rise. _No, I can’t let it end like this, I’ll go after him. He’ll storm and he’ll growl, but I’ll at least get him to talk, and we’ll-_

Hawke winced as the slam of the front door reverberated through the house. The determination dropped from their face and fell into an expression that held far less certainty. They slowly sank back onto their arms, the back of their skull hitting the headboard with a dull thump, not even flinching as they stared at the canopy above. It was only minutes later, still trying to process what had happened, that they reached up to wipe their eyes and realized their cheeks were wet with tears. That realization prompted the first sob, half-heartedly choked back.

_How do I follow him now? Would he even want me to?_

Gradually Hawke sank further into the bed. Hands tightened into fists, gripping sheets that were still as tangled as their limbs had been only hours before. As tears streamed unbidden, they eventually drifted to restless sleep, face buried in a pillow still infused with his scent.

—

Fenris walked away, head down and jaw clenched, closing Hawke’s bedroom door firmly behind him. It was overwhelming; too much, entirely too fast. A sensory overload in every sense of the term, and his first instinct had been to run, to shut it all away. With the threat of Danarius a constant shadow quietly looming over his shoulder, his past was already closer than he would like. Despite his feelings for Hawke, however wonderful their night had been, that moment had been… it was too much.

But the look in Hawke’s eyes as he’d turned away haunted him. His sure-footed strides became frustrated stomping steps as he second guessed his decision. He forced himself to put one foot in front of the other, to increase the distance between them. Those memories- a flash of vaguely familiar figures, hint of an almost recalled smell, a whispered word, a name, his but not his, and oh Maker the pain… Hawke couldn’t possibly expect him to remain and endure that again. Yet longing remained to turn, to run back, to beg their forgiveness and understanding. Hawke had wanted to help him. Surely they would understand if he just…

 _No,_ he snarled at himself inwardly, _you must be strong in this. You’re broken and Hawke deserves better. Hawke deserves a chance at happiness, even if I…_ He found himself slamming the door in frustration as he exited. The volume and finality of the sound struck his heart, as he knew it must have struck Hawke’s ears, and he felt that any chance he had to turn back was gone. He leaned back heavily, spiked armor on his back hitting the door frame with an audible thud. His already white knuckled fists tightened at his sides, sharp gauntlets cutting into his palms, and he took slow measured breaths as he fought for composure.

_Just breathe. There’s no going back now._

Crisp night air filled his lungs, and as his head began to clear, he became aware of the ringing sound of steel on steel. Grunts and muffled curses made him straighten, eyes narrowing. Bandits and rogues were far from unheard of in Hightown at night, and he welcomed the opportunity to lose himself in battle. The city guard sounded hard at work and he knew Aveline would be welcoming of the assistance he and his blade could offer. He pushed off the wall and strode steadily forward, triggering the hated magic of his tattoos and drawing his sword.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fic i've written for dragon age, and the first one i've written in a very long time. i'm still getting back into writing, so i hope you enjoy!


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